Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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