So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
