maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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