I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
