i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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