butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My ass is underappreciated
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
