i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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