This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
