Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
