True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
