: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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