It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize