Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
