Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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