I just saw a hot homeless man
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
