I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
