I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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