Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
