It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
