I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
