i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
