Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
