Your tits are I can't wait for
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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