i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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