the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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