Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
