My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
