Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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