Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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