call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
