Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
