And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
