At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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