I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
