hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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