i think i have herpe
just one?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
