i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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