is your mom at the bar?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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