that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need a beard to bite.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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