His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Me too!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize