Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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