I met the friendliest cop last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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