i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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