Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
