But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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