Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
