i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
