I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
