I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
