hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
