Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
