everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
