This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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