At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize