Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
