I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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