He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize