I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
