We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
