Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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