I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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