He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
