did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
