his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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