Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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