Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
