I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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