Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They have beer where we have blood.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
