Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
