I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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