Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize