I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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