If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
