i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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