If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
