im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bring me that man meat
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
