honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
NoShamevember. You game?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
